I was an angry child. We’re all born with certainly weaknesses; certain sins that we’re more susceptible to, anger was just one of mine. As a child my anger manifested itself in any number of ways: yelling, pouting, wicked thoughts, violent outbursts. Things had to be perfect, and when they weren’t, the level of dissatisfaction was high. I had a heightened sense of justice. When faced with the injustices of a sinful world my response was quick and intense.
When I was nine I started going to public school. I had, until that time, gone to a Christian school and was accustomed to a certain level of behavior. Going to a public school for the first time was, to say the least, a bit of a shock. The shock was made more pointed by an experience early in the school year. My parents had provided all the normal supplies that children bring with them when they start school. My father also provided me with something a bit special; a mechanical pencil. It seems like a small thing but to a child of nine this was a grown-up’s pencil. Not the ordinary elementary school fare. I couldn’t wait for the first opportunity to use it.
In this public school we weren’t given individual desks. We all sat at tables and out belongings were put into plastic tubs in the back of the class room. As I was sitting at a table with my new classmates, I was eager for something to write so I could try out my new pencil. I was anticipating jealous looks from my new classmates as they longing looked at my mechanical pencil while they labored with their standard yellow wooden models. As the class wore on, the opportunity for writing, inevitably, presented itself. I was in my glory.
For some reason, I can’t remember what, I needed to ask the teacher a question. I rose from the table and made my way to the teacher’s desk, lying the pencil on the paper I was writing on. Upon my return I found my pencil was missing! My heart raced. Then I realized that the pencil had likely just rolled off the table onto the floor. I searched diligently but found no pencil. My heart sank. I had lost my special pencil already. As that class came to an end, we were to go to another room for our next class. My mind was still searching for the answer to the pencil mystery along with thoughts of where my next class was and how I was going to get through the day without a pencil. As we walked away from the table I noticed that one of the kids at my table had my mechanical pencil in his hand. “Oh, my pencil! You found it!”, I said. “No, this is my pencil.”, he responded. “No, that’s my pencil. Its the same color and everything.”, I answered back. “No, this is my pencil.”, came the response. Suddenly, it occurred to me what was happening. I was being robbed right in front of everyone. The looks on the faces of the other kids told me they knew exactly what was happening but they were going to do nothing about it. Indeed, from the smiles I could tell that they were quite entertained by my suffering.
I immediately went to the teacher and told her that my pencil had been stolen. I pointed the culprit out to her; my pencil still in his hand. She called him over. Finally, this criminal would be brought to justice and my property returned. She asked him if the pencil he was holding was mine. He said that it wasn’t. I was shocked by the blatant lie. The evidence was right in his hand! She asked him where he got the pencil. To my amazement, he said that it was his! I was stunned. I responded, “No, that’s my pencil.” Why would I go to the teacher and report a stolen pencil that was really someone else’s?
As shocking as the crime was; as shocking as the lie was, the next response was the deepest cut of all. My teacher responded, “Well, I’ve known him longer than I’ve known you. If he says it’s his pencil, then I have to believe him.” I was outraged. I continued to plead my case but to no avail. As the teacher left, this kid smiled at me and walked away with my pencil. No justice.
As childhood continued there were additional opportunities for the injustice of this sinful world to show itself. People cheating at board-games (I was about to beat my cousin’s husband in checkers for the first time when suddenly he flipped the board over, scattering the pieces and denying me my long-sought victory. This resulted in an unfortunate violent hair-pulling episode.), a stolen bicycle, little league baseball, school-yard enemies, and the like.
As childhood moves into teenaged years, life presents even more opportunities for injustice, confrontation, harassment, rivalry, etc. As we become adults, the full weight of a sinful world bears down on us. Our opportunities to lash-out at the world are ever-present and our justification all the more rational.
As I grew older my temper grew as well. Always seething under the surface ready to explode. Of course, the demands of the workplace required me to not lash out as violently as I had as a child; which meant the environment for my anger to ferment and ripen was set. The result was constant anger; angry thoughts, angry words, angry reactions, angry assumptions.
Along with the anger came the physical manifestations of this sin: constant headaches, stomach problems, grabbing onto other sins to provide a temporary reprieve from this constant joylessness. Sin layered upon sin.
In my early 30’s my stomach problems became quite acute; culminating in a bleeding ulcer that caused me to black out at work and at home. When I finally went to the hospital I was told that I had lost half of the blood in my body and was in quite grave condition. Within 30 minutes of walking through the hospital doors I was unconscious on a table with a scope down my throat, cauterizing the bleeding hole in my stomach.
For most people this would have been a watershed moment. A time to evaluate one’s life and make changes. But I had grown comfortable with my anger. I justified it as a way to get things done, as a logical response to an unjust world, as a manifestation of my pride disguised as high standards (not God’s standards but my own).
As the years went by the health issues mounted; more headaches, more stomach problems, more tension, more anger. Every conversation, every thought was driven by this seething anger. Then another hospital incident. Chest pains. Sleeplessness. More hospital visits. How was this going to end?
As the anger combined with other sins, I found myself drifting farther and farther away from God. To be sure, anger was not the only reason, it may not have even been the primary reason. As I justified my anger, I knew how to justify other sins as well. It was pure self-indulgence on every level.
Then it happened. God rescued me. The fear of what would happen to me after the pre-mature death I seemed to be heading toward; the guilt for constantly sinning against God; the years of lip-service to God while living every day in sin had finally worn me down. The burden of sin was too much to carry. God put in my heart the desire for a lifeline. There he was, waiting to rescue me.
After begging God for forgiveness, for a new heart, for new desires, for protection from temptation; he helped me do the things we’re supposed to do to get close to him: pray, read his word, trust him. God started changing things immediately. A miracle if ever I’ve seen one. Giant sins that plagued me for decades fell by the wayside. Then came the ”anger” one. How would God fix this one?
As usual, it starts with his word.
Luke 6:27-37:
But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. Whoever hits you on the cheek, offer him the other also; and whoever takes away your coat, do not withhold your shirt from him either. Give to everyone who asks of you, and whoever takes away what is yours, do not demand it back. And just as you want people to treat you, treat them in the same way. And if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, in order to receive back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. And do not judge and you will not be judged; and do not condemn, and you will not be condemned; pardon, and you will be pardoned.
“Pardon and you will be pardoned.” As one who had a lifetime of things needing pardon, how could I ignore these words?
Romans 12:17-21:
Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals upon his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
“Overcome evil with good.” All my life I had been fighting against the evils of the world with the wrong weapon. Evil for evil was my approach but God says, “overcome evil with good.”, because God’s goodness is more powerful than Satan’s evil.
Romans 13:8-12:
Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another; for he who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the law. For this, “You shall not commit adultery, You shall not murder, You shall not steal, You shall not covet,” and if there is any other commandment, it is summed up in this saying, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Love does no wrong to a neighbor; love therefore is the fulfillment of the law. And this do, knowing the time, that it is already the hour for you to awaken from sleep; for now salvation is nearer to us than when we believed. The night is almost gone, and the day is at hand. Let us therefore lay aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light.
Its easy to get wrapped up in this world, in this life. Its easy to lose track of the fact that this life is just the warm-up for the real life to come. We often forget that God is just and his justice will be fulfilled. God’s timing may not be our timing but if we trust him, we must trust that he will bring justice, in this life or the next. And before we get too excited about God’s justice raining down on those who mistreat us, we must also realize that we deserve justice as much as those who are against us. God’s justice does not discriminate.
When we realize that we are in as much need for forgiveness as those who wrong us, we understand the importance of our behavior in response to the evil things that afflict us.
God, in his wisdom, will use the travails of life to refine us and purify us; not only to live the life that he demands we live, but to prepare us to be a witness to others. Whether we like it or not, we are God’s witnesses to those around us. If people know we are Christians, they will pay especially close attention to our behavior. They will look to catch us in our hypocrisy. “If that Christian behaves that way and he’s thinks he’s going to heaven, then I must be ok too.”, and unbeliever will say. Our sinful behavior, our sinful response to the sinful actions of others, provide and excuse for the unsaved to remain in their sin.
If people do not know we are Christians and see us responding angrily to situations that don’t please us, then they will assume we are just like everyone else. Nothing special. Part of modern life. And that’s the problem. Our culture not only tolerates anger but, indeed, glorifies it. Most reality-tv shows are based on conflict, anger, clashes between people. What message does this send? If we’re angry, we get rewarded. If we undermine others, we win the prize. At the very least, the angrier we are, the more attention we draw to ourselves. At least we can get on tv. “Conflict is the essence of drama.”
Par for the course. We live in an angry world. It is, in fact, the people who are not angry, in response to life’s hardships, that stand out the most. As Christians, this should be our motivation. Just as people will notice our anger if they know we are Christians; they will also notice our peace during hardship and wonder where it comes from. That is when we can explain that it comes from God. In an angry society, with angry people, the ability to set aside anger glorifies the power of God in our lives.
Rather than getting attention for our anger, we will give attention to God for our peace.
This should always be our purpose; to live as God wants us to live. To honor him by keeping his commandments; showing our appreciation for the sacrifice that Jesus made for us. Letting our behavior be a witness to others. Our kindness, our gentleness, our patience, our peace will give more glory to God than our anger, our pouting, our seething, our rage.
Our lives are about trusting in God. Trusting in God for our salvation. They are also about sharing God’s wonderful news to those who have not yet trusted in him. God will refine us. God will allow us to experience difficulties and trying situations in order to teach us to trust in him, to call on him to help us respond as we should. When we are in the safety of Christian friends and family members, we may still find ourselves confronted with situations that upset us. Rather than responding sinfully, let us use these opportunities to practice calling on God and ask him to give us a peaceful and gentle heart. In doing so, we will look to God to refine us so that when we are out in the sinful world, where people willfully sin against us and mistreat us, we will represent God well. We will respond with blessings when we are cursed. We will pray for those who mistreat us. All to God’s glory and for his purpose; to bring others to the knowledge of the truth.
As those who have faith in God, the purpose of the remainder of our lives is to trust in God and tell others about him. The conflicts we’re faced with, the things we get wrapped up in, the things that we stew over; these things have no meaning to our lives any more. To put it simply, they just don’t matter.
There is more than this life. There is more than the concerns and the worries and the conflicts of this life. There is the next life. A longer life. A life with God. Helping others get to that life should be our concern. Our faith in God and the faith of others are the only things we bring from this life to the next. How pointless our worldly conflicts are. Our anger, our rage, the injustices against us; they all remain in this life. Let us focus on heavenly things, not worldly things. Let the world have its conflict, its anger, its rage. Let us trust in God’s justice. In the mean time, let us do the work that he has assigned to us. Let us love our enemies and bless everyone. Let us live a life of peace that stands out in an angry world so that when someone asks, “How can you stay so calm when you’re treated so poorly?”, we can tell them of the grace of God and the peace that he has for us…in this life and the next.
